(Currently writing this while in my bed wearing my Punisher T-shirt from Marvel.)
Thoughts pierce my mind like a dagger through my spine. The cold echoes of torment place ice in my bones while the lighter parts race to chase out the darkness enshrouding me. The flutter in my chest weakens me to the point of giving up since the emptiness where my heart should be keeps me from wanting to carry on. I always believed love heals, love saves, and love makes you happy. It isn’t love that I have a problem with. It’s the wrong kind of love that people perceive as love when in fact it other things entirely.
It is the idea that you are in love. The universal idea of love is treacherous in its efforts to instil in the mind of the believer that it will cover you in this quilt of warmth, a love beyond the sky, an all saving force. Most of it is true. Love is the only thing that we humans need in order to survive in our social relations…to not feel alone. The fact of the matter is that if it is not what we see in the romance movies or unlike the perfect novel we read we tend to blame love when love is not the issue. It is people that have forged our mind set on what love actually is.
We punish ourselves for the love we feel and we punish ourselves for the love we don’t when it doesn’t go our way.
That is why I am in constant turmoil in my state of mind for I don’t know what is real and I don’t know if I am in love or just the feeling of being in love. What is love? Romantic love…The love we feel for our partner. That emotional and spiritual bond. Where does it fade to? Where does it last? Will someone who I am connected to ever stay or will they continue to teach me lessons of going away?
Punisher. Punisher. Punisher.