BLURB: Narnia For Writers is for LGBTQ Youth and Allies included.
This book is contains my own experiences and opinions about the rainbow community.
[Extract from Wattpad.]
To be honest with you half my family is homophobic and I want to publish a novel one day, but as you can see on this Wattpad Account all I can write is LGBT novels.
I don’t label my sexuality, you love who you love. But if you told my uncle that people are born gay he would kill you on the spot. That’s literally what he said to me while I was in his battered metal death contraption of a truck. I thought he would throw me out if I argued with him.
Being in this world is not easy. I see how people in the community have to struggle to be who they are and love who they love. Coming out is terrifying! And with the world on your shoulders you feel so alone.
But straight people who support them also get hated on and they have to hide their beliefs in love is love. No one really thinks of them actually. Heterosexual people aren’t the problem, it’s those who believe that it is wrong.
I know many straight girls ship boys together (who doesn’t?) and many write Fanfiction about it, but does anyone stop to think about those who have to hide their writing from the world? Or those who are questioning themselves or those who support? Don’t they also live in a closet away from people who hate them?
This is my book on #writerproblems when you can’t tell the world who you are and who you support.
People ship everyone these days, but wait till your old school grandmother finds out!
This is my Narnia.
For those writers stuck in the closet.
Tired. I get so tired just floating in the atmosphere with no grounding. I don’t know where I belong. There is no air I can breathe in up here so my head is light and fuzzy. I want to scream. No one hears me.
I’m different to those who are below me. Those with a purpose, who know who they are. I’m just a Space Girl. Confused. Drifting aimlessly along the plains of my mind. There are no strings attached to me. I don’t know where to tie myself to. This place. Or that place. Box one. Or box two.
Labels are weak and have no hold over me.
But will I always be in space?
Or will I find my way home?
He came like a beautiful memory that I had already lived through before I met him. He was the next few chapters that I had to write. I thought he was going to be constant but he was the moon, ever slowly waning out of my life. He grew further and further away from me. I suppose you weren’t supposed to fall in love with the glow of the sun for too long you stare you will surely die. How I lost him was a reason I do not know. But the ashes that were left behind will not be swept up. I know that from this ending, a new beginning will come. The phoenix will rise again.
First chapter extract from Wattpad. Full novel completed on
(1) CLUBS, DRESSES AND TRIGGERS
RUBY didn’t think the first time she went to club that she would be in the arms of a girl. It was a little overcrowded for her liking – she hated small space – but the atmosphere and the music was good. The music blasted in her ears, the base shooting through her body that seemed to make the whole floor vibrate with each drop.
Her hands were on the girl’s waist, which was clad in a tight, almost second skin red dress, and was so close to her that she could smell her perfume. Her small hands held Ruby’s bare shoulders and it was hot and sticky against her skin. The girl’s hair flowed around her head in a long dark curtain and her striking grey – green eyes captivated her.
And her lips! Her lips were painted in kissable pastel red that was edging closer every second. Ruby glanced to her left at her friend, Elsie, who suggested they go here since Ruby had never been before.
Elsie was dancing with her boyfriend who was giving Ruby weird looks. She had never been with a girl before. She couldn’t blame it on the alcohol since she never drank any, this was all her. She took the girl’s hand and asked her if they could go somewhere private.
Ruby was led to a dark corner and was pushed up against it. Before she could do anything, the girl’s lips pressed against hers. Ruby closed her eyes to the sensation of soft lips moulding with hers and the new exciting feelings spreading through her body. This was better than any of the boys she had went out with. She loved kissing this girl. But right on time a pain struck her in her chest and she pushed it away as she did many times before.
“What’s your name?” Ruby asked once they stopped to catch their breath.
“Nina,” the girl replied.
Just then her phone rang. Elsie was looking for her. She kissed Nina on the cheek and headed for the entrance by the midnight street. Elsie and her boyfriend shared a knowing glance.
“You kissed her didn’t you?” Elsie said.
Ruby shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s not like I’ll see her again. It was just a one time thing.”
“Maybe you’re into girls. Or bisexual?” Elsie’s boyfriend questioned. “You could never really kiss a boy before. You always pulled away…”
Ruby shuddered at the memory. “It’s not like that. It still felt off. Like I wasn’t supposed to kiss her tonight. With all the guys it feels wrong and I get freaked out, but it’s not me. It’s because of the Trigger thing.”
Triggers. She wished she didn’t have one. No one really talked about it to anyone so she couldn’t explain how she felt. Everyone had a Trigger, the closest thing they had to a human soul mate. They were made for each other, their bodies were drawn to them. It was why whenever you did things with someone else or had feelings for someone other than your Trigger you felt strange. You felt so sick that you pulled away every time. Ruby read a lot about human literature and it sounded so amazing to be with your soul mate. But in this world it wasn’t. Triggers couldn’t physically touch.
AFTER sleeping over at Elsie’s house for the night, she texted her overbearing brother/guardian that she arrived safely. Elsie and Ruby went to go shopping. Five shops later and they still couldn’t find anything they liked, they came across this little boutique in the corner of the mall. She saw this gorgeous gown with a long trail and lace sleeves. As she walked towards it she got bumped out the way.
“Mine!” Elsie called.
She chuckled as her phone started ringing Beyonce, Crazy in Love.
“Hey Stellen,” she answered her older brother.
“Where are you? How’s the sleepover?”
“Great. I’m out with Elsie at the moment. Shopping.”
Stellen was so overprotective.
“Oh okay. Kayden got detention today.”
“Again?” Ruby asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know what to do with him.”
Stellen and Kayden were biological siblings. Ruby was adopted at age four after her parents died. They never spoke of their death. There were rumours that her parents were Triggers but that couldn’t be possible. Triggers couldn’t go close to each other or their energies would connect and cause instant combustion that could destroy themselves and anyone within a five mile radius.
Kayden was younger than Ruby and he had major issues that Stellen didn’t understand. Ruby was always the one to handle Kayden. She knew his secret. He was finding it extremely difficult to live without his Trigger. When you were younger it affected you more. Your whole body screamed for you go to them and being apart from them tore you up inside. It was effort on most days to even get out of bed.
“Okay, I’ll come around after I’m done here,” Ruby told Stellen.
“Thanks, R. Stay safe. Love you.”
“Love you too,” She said and disconnected.
When she got home Kayden had his headphones on and was playing video games in the lounge while Stellen made supper. Stellen was the mom, brother, dad and housewife. She felt sorry that Stellen had to do that all on his own. She wished that his mom was still around, but she had just vanished one day out of the blue. No one knew what happened to her. Stellen said that maybe she was kidnapped. Ruby didn’t believe that, it was just what he told himself to ease his mind.
“Kay?” Ruby sat by Kayden.
His short hair had grown into a little nest of curls on his head and his dark eyes held a gleam of wetness as if he had previously shed some tears. She knew how painful it was. When she was younger Stellen had to sleep next to her every night just so she could sleep. She woke up screaming and crying because she wanted to be with her Trigger so bad. She didn’t think anyone understood why it was like that, it was more of a curse than what soul mates were described as.
“What happened today?”
“I met her,” He whispered lowly.
Ruby let out a small gasp. “And?”
“And…they kept her from me. They told us we can’t be in the same place as each other, but I feel her everywhere I go. School is better now that she’s here. Everything is better now that she’s here. I’m better. But we’re forbidden. It’s like you finally get what you want, but you can’t have it.”
Ruby didn’t know what to say after that.
When will our story be written?
When will time cease to exist again?
When will the leaves fall to the ground?
When will you be found?
When will our light blot out the sun?
When will the tears disappear?
When will my sorrown turn to joy?
When I live with Faith.
It seems like a more of a memory, one that is pulled from the deep trenches of my mind. It isn’t something that has happened before, but I know it will happen. A memory I have yet to live.
I hear the bashing of rain against the roof. A flash of light strikes and the rumbling of thunder calls to mind the idea of curling up on a couch. I follow his smile to the grey couch with blanket, our hands linking as he leads me. I’m wearing my Uggs and a thick jersey with sweat pants. I sit next to him, my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me. I listen to the beat of his heart with the rain and I’m thrown into a calmness that shatters the darkness outside.
I never told anyone or wrote in detail how it felt to be near you. I never explained how much I loved every second I was with you because I feel words aren’t enough.
I keep this in my heart. I bury my desire for you in trenches no one dares to explore – I’ll never let them in. They will never know what ignites in my body when I close my eyes and remember you.
I remember you like you are inked under my skin, permanent and forever.
I can still hear the way your breath heaves when I trace my tongue across your lips. I know the rippling action that burns inside of you when I bite and press you closer. One pull from my teeth and your strong hands clutch my legs as if you’re trying to tame the beast within.
I recall the thump of your heart under my ear like a beat of my favourite song. I love many things about you and us and what we shared those beautiful nights. But what I love most is the way you used to look at me, the unmasked gleam of love shimmering in a light that matches the spark of a thousand suns.
I will hold that close to me. Even if I never see you again. Even if you can never be in my arms again. And even if you can never look at me like that again.
As Alice in Wonderland told us,
“Sometimes forever lasts just one second.”
And that split second is what roams our minds day in and day out. We live in that forever, but it only exists in our memories.
Love, the forever kind of love, comes and goes. I don’t think you were meant to keep it. That kind of love is rare and you’re supposed to fight for it.
But for me is seems futile when he tells you that yes, we had a forever but only a taste. Yes, it feels so right but it’s not meant to be.
I try to explain what I feel. I’m a writer, I’m supposed to convey what I feel into words. But there’s something about this. this.
I always listened to the lyrics that spoke to me, or found a song with a nice beat and melody.
But there’s something about this one song that moves my soul to the core.
I close my eyes and keep them closed for the duration of the song. For the first time I feel the music and I got rhythm. I tap my foot to the beat, my whole body swaying on its own accord. I’m absorbed into this other world.
I smile like someone is sharing a secret with me that they haven’t told anyone before. knowing that I get to hear it fills my body with an electric feeling. I feel the music under my skin. I breathe the verses. My hands move like a conductor, vibrating with the sounds of the instruments.
I am one with everything.
I have never felt this before.
That’s what it’s like, isn’t it?
When you truly connect with the music it gives you this otherworldly sensation.
When you find someone who gives you the same feelings music does, that’s when you found someone special.
That’s when it’s worth something.
I’m a Princess. I need a Prince.
But with you I was a Queen and I was seen like a thousand jewels in your eyes.
To me you were my King. High above the rest.
To them you were a pauper that wasn’t deserving of my royalty.